The holidays can bring out the best of us and the. . .rest of us! Ironically, when you ask people what is the best part of the holiday season, 99% of us respond by saying “being with family.” But if you want the ‘real’ truth, ask the same people what is the most stressful part of the holiday season and 99% of us respond by saying “BEING WITH FAMILY!”
If you know your stress level is going to shoot sky-high (like our gas prices) when you get around your folks, you will want to pay special attention to this edition of The 5 Minute Motivator before you find yourself featured on a reality show. . .like COPS!
Most of my life, I haven’t had much success, fame or fortune to speak of. When my father passed away when I was 14, I grew up in a single-parent home with just my mother and me. We lived in an apartment and drove a Mazda 323 station wagon with enough miles on it to go to the moon and back. We definitely weren’t poor but we certainly weren’t The Jefferson’s either. We were the family riding in the car, praying that someone would hit us so we could get a new one.
Didn’t you used to hate it when your parents said “stupid” stuff to you growing up? You know, the stuff that you later realized wasn’t so stupid afterall? That’s how I felt when my mother would say things to me such as, “Joooooon (she has this incredibly high-pitched voice when she says my name and she stretches it out like she’s warming up to sing an opera), you may not have any new clothes, but you can keep the ones you have pressed. You may not have any money to buy a gift, but you can always help clean up after the party.” That was her philosophical way of saying “Don’t ask me for any money because we don’t have any!” It was also her way of teaching me to never make lame excuses and that the best gift was giving of myself, from the heart. She wouldn’t let me take the easy way out and use being broke as a crutch.
I took her words to heart and have learned to love the process of giving to others. I have given away tens of thousands of dollars to people and organizations. I have even given people the tie around my neck or the shoes on my feet and walked to my car barefoot. And I love it! There are times when I may be the most successful person in the room, but I am racing to be the first one to grab the trash can and start cleaning up. This doesn’t match the “traditional” model of success, but it fits my character just fine.
But. . .after all that giving, sometimes I feel ALL GIVEN OUT. You know, depleted, empty, taken advantage of. People watch me do all the work as they slouch in their chair and smack me on the butt like I’m a Waffle House waitress as if to say ‘ata boy!’ Oh, HECK no! I get angry, I become resentful and I vow never to do anything for them again-ever!
If you’ve ever been here, CAN I GET AN AMEN!
Part 1 is getting a little long, so I’ll give you these quick points to ponder, then I’ll give you some solutions for getting more recognition in Part 2, sound fair?
Be honest, have you ever taken someone for granted? We all have. The more people do for us, the easier it becomes to do so. Real givers do so effortlessly, that’s why we often overlook their efforts to be there for us when we need it. That’s the beauty and the jacked-upedness (I just made that word up) of being how you are. Manage your expectations so you don’t feel empty and even used if your efforts are overlooked.
If I took a picture of you in a group of people, who is the first person you’ll look for when you see the photo? Yourself! We are ego-centric beings and we have a vested interest in making sure that we are taken care of. . .first! People will let you give to them until you’re all given out, then they’ll move on to the next poor soul. Establish your boundaries in the form of a spending limit, time limit, (even a drama limit) beforehand so you can bow out before you feel tapped out.
3. People WILL forget
Your sacrifices will always mean more to you than they do to them. Becausethey didn’t stay up late, miss any meals or endure extreme inconvenience like you did, they won’t share your emotional connection to the outcome. They show up to pick the fruits, but you were there to dig the roots. Because you know all that it took to make your efforts come to pass, you feel worthy of a parade in your honor. But to them, it’s just another episode of “you doing what you do.”
I’m not going to give a solution for this one. I’ll let this marinate in your mind until Part 2 next week. Yes, I PROMISE. . .next week!
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Jonathan Sprinkles is the 2006 National Speaker of the Year (APCA) as well as the author of six books and over a dozen educational resources for entrepreneurs and top leaders. He frequently speaks to corporate and college audiences on leadership, performance strategies and subtle persuasion. Jonathan’s no nonsense message lights up audiences and inspires them to get off their BUT’s and make it happen!
http://www.jsprinkles.com
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