Quick. . .think about a relationship in which you’re feeling under-appreciated.
Better yet, pick three significant people that exist in different facets of your life (for example, your mother, your spouse and your boss). For each person, decide which of you shows dedication toward the long-term success of the relationship more often.
If it’s all one-way in your favor-You probably don’t respect them. You are attracted to what they do for you, not who they are as a person.If it’s all one way in their favor-You will always live in a deficit. The relationship will consist of them making demands and you meeting them. If you stop, they’ll find a reason to kick you to the curb, then casually move on because they have nothing invested in your relationship.
If it’s virtually even, but there is a mutual lack of appreciation- You have some decisions to make. You’re either going to have to pull away or you will have to, as my sister Ellen (who is now a regular on the 5 Minute Motivator) says, “choose your own reasons for participating because when they are your reasons, nobody can take them away.” For the record, it’s perfectly fine to not get as much as you give, as long as you can say, “I’m doing this because _____,” and nobody has to understand your “because” but you.
If you’ve passed the Pop Quiz and still want to touch the hearts and minds of your people, the best, fastest and most effective way to stock up credits in their emotional bank accounts is to make them feel like you think about them even when they aren’t around. You’ve got to make your mark! Here are a couple tips for leaving an indelible mark on people that makes you unforgettable and irreplaceable:
Keep A Record -The best way to give something that you know will be received well is to give them what they want. If you don’t have the guts to simply ask “so, what do you want,” the next best option is to listen closely when they speak. As they occasionally let the cat out of the bag about their secret wishes, write them down. As the occasion arises, simply pick a gift from your list. For example, if they fawn over the newest model of a car, get them a miniature version of it for their desk or bookshelf. They will fell like you were listening to them and that you go above-and-beyond to make them feel special. Everybody wants that.
Keep a Stash- After you’ve made out their Wish List, keep your eyes peeled in case you see them on sale. If you do, pick them up! You’ll get a great deal and you won’t have to go searching to find “the perfect gift” because you already have it in your stash. There’s nothing better than getting ‘the hook up’ as you hook up someone else. Hey, discount giving is still giving. I love picking up funny greeting cards, even if I don’t have anyone to give it to at the time. As a matter of fact, I was in Wal-mart last week and found a hilarious gift bag that said “Chicks love jocks.” It was an 80 year old guy holding a bowling ball. Ha, ha, ha! FYI-If you get this bag from me, pretend like you never read this.
Keep It Real- Always, always, always include a note with your gift. Oftentimes, the sentiments in the note will be more impactful than the gift itself (especially if you’re buying your stuff at Wal-Mart like me!). In the note, explain why you choose that particular gift for them. Again, this is another way to show them that you are listening, that they are valued and that you care about making sure they know you’re tuned into even their most subtle needs.
The one thing that you DO NOT do is keep is a score. If you feel the need to count who gets what, who did what, whose XYZ is bigger or more expensive-STOP IMMEDIATELY! You’re giving out of a competitive spirit, which is rooted in a need for validation and approval. If you can remember everything you’ve done for someone, you weren’t doing it for the right reasons. Giving is in its purest form when you remember how much the process fulfilled you, not how much the present impressed them.
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