Jonathan Sprinkles – Prearing for a 3,000 Person Event (Garden City Community College)

 

LOL. ROFL. LMAO…

 Today was hilarious, in a “so wack all you can do is laugh” kind of way. I am shaking my head even as I type this.

 So, here it goes.

 A few weeks ago, I was going over the details of my upcoming events with my assistant. I asked her about today’s event and got the shock of my life. She told me the time, no problem; the topics, no problem. Then I asked her about the venue. She said we were doing the talk in the gymnasium…a college gymnasium!

 “What?!” I said. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. She said that it was the only place on campus “big enough” to hold the amount of people we were expecting. So, you know what I asked next…”How many darn people are we  expecting?”

 “About three thousand,” she calmly said.

 I lost it. I started having visions of a Dane Cook-like show where people would be lined up around the building, waiting to get a ticket to see “the” Jonathan Sprinkles. I’m so not famous, but it felt like I was about to be a rock star, even if only for one day.

 I had a $300 upright banner printed so the hoards of people could find my book table afterward, I flew my assistant out to help me capture the moment on film and to assist with crowd control afterward. I didn’t want 3,000 people to stampede the new African American Idol, all in the name of getting a book signed. I was about to be the freakin’ man.

 So, we get to the school, and my first talk is in…the cafeteria…during lunch….in the middle of the tables…with a !@$#!ed up sound system! I literally started laughing as I began my talk, figuring that this must have been God’s way of humbling me so I didn’t get the big head before my sold out performance that evening. I have to admit, they were the most attentive cafeteria crowd I’ve ever had. They respected the fact that I was an invited guest so they didn’t fully protest the fact that I was talking right above their plate, spitting on their chicken nuggets. The microphone kept going out, so I had to constantly stop, restart my sentence, and try to see if they heard what I just said. It was like having a one hour cell phone conversation with two people stuck in the middle of the desert. “Can you hear me now? What was the last thing you heard me say?”

 I made a decision though. I went back to my roots, back when I was glad to speak anywhere and gave them the best I had. I had to walk 360 degrees around the podium and platform because I was smack dab in the middle of the cafeteria. I did my very best and threw in audience participation moments to give them something to look at instead of listen to me howl for 60 minutes.

 SPRINKLE OF WISDOM:

Nothing will save you better than a well-delivered audience participation moment. If an audience isn’t feeling you, all of your jokes will bomb, no matter if they are funny elsewhere or not. Comedy is about rapport. Your poignant stories will bomb too because you need a certain amount of tension within your audience to make it ‘pop.’ If they aren’t feeling you, they can care less about how it ends. But to pull someone out of the audience is guaranteed gold. They don’t know how it’s going to end, so they will pay attention to see what happens next.

 I finished the talk pretty abruptly, okay with foregoing the big close. I was okay with delivering the message and saying, “Thank you, I’ll see you tonight…if you can get in.”

 That evening, 30 or so of their student leaders had a special dinner where they asked me questions about my life and my thoughts on certain topics. I really, really enjoyed this. I gave them the other side of me. I was practicing like it was the paparazzi interviewing me for a major magazine spread. My heart goes out to young people. I feel so sad that they don’t have anyone to look to who isn’t trying to corrupt their minds or get them to download their ringtone. Although it has taken me a while to embrace the tag of role model, I am working hard to be the man they can look at and aspire to become. I still have a way to go, but I’ll get there.

 Then…the big show!

 I walked in the gym and to my surprise, only about 150 were there. I was glad that it was early, so the other 2,850 people on their way could find a seat. I set up my banner, established the best angles to shoot, etc., etc. I was just so glad I got there so early to set it up because the masses were certainly going to take up a lot of my time. Except that…

 …they never came.

 At the height of the evening, the attendance was enough to fill up the two middle sections with athletes, a few student organizations and a couple rows of people from the community. I am being liberal to say 300 people.

 And the microphone sucked again. The mic was so bad…

 …how bad was it?

 I chose to turn it off and SCREAM instead of having this Radio Shack reject continue to cut out on me. Yeah, it was that bad. Again, all I could do was laugh. Me and my 300 were going to have to literally  be like the move 300, shouting to get the troops in the back to hear my message. I just wish I was half as ripped as them.

 Talking to athletes is very different. They have a special way they want things said. I used a lot of metaphors for competition and leaving your mark on the school. However, I had to also pick up the students who were in the audience as well, so I couldn’t get too sidetracked. It was a challenge, but I made a decision and gave ‘em that heat. I know for sure that I did my best.

 At the end of the day, I had no voice and sold a bank-breaking three books. I still have a backache from carrying this over-stuffed suitcase full of books I have to return home with. The baner…well, maybe one day it’ll get some use. I guess I can stop wearing sunglasses inside also and telling people “no pictures, please.”

SPRINKLE OF WISDOM:

Regardless of the circumstances, as a pro, you have to go all out. If you mail in a talk because of something you don’t like, you are not only hurting those who are in the audience, you are hurting your chance at getting rebooked or referred. When the mic sucks, they know it, too. They will respect you more if you persist instead of turning into a diva. You have to have the guts to stick it out, not take yourself too seriously and somehow turn it around. This is why they hired you instead of a local city councilman. You are supposed to be able to do things to create environments that others can’t. I know it’s frustrating and I know it’s like running through quicksand, and I know you don’t like curveballs thrown at you. But one day, when you’re doing your live national PBS special and something goes wrong, you’ll be well-prepared.