Jonathan Sprinkles – [The 5 Minute Motivator] “I’m Living A Dual Life”

Hi, my name is Jonathan.
 
For the first time EVER, I am willing to admit something publicly that has been a source of shame for years.
 
I have been living a dual life.
 
It all came to a head a couple weeks ago when I was talking to my sister on the phone. She was in the car with my six-year-old niece, Chloe, who I hadn’t spoken with in months. I told my sister how much I regretted not checking in with her in so long and asked her to put Chloe on the phone. That’s when it all hit the fan…
 
CHLOE: Hello?
ME(In my most excited voice):  HEEEEY CHLOE BEAR! How are you? I miss you sooooo much!
CHLOE (Sounding lethargic): I’m fine. Just tired.
ME: What? Why are you so tired, sweetheart?
CHLOE: I was up late last night.
ME: Huh? Up late? You mean, past your 8:00pm bedtime? What were you doing?
CHLOE: I was painting my nails.
ME: You were? Reeeealy? What color?
CHLOE (Getting more energized): I painted them pink.
ME: Really? Woooow! I bet you look so pretty with pink nails. I wish I could see them right now. You’re so creative and smart.
CHLOE: I painted my toes purple, too.
ME: Wooow. Pink…and…purple? I bet you look soooo preeetty, just like a princess! 
 
We talked for another 10 minutes, discussing school, cartoons, her new baby cousins, and other issues of equal importance to a six-year old. Then she put her mom back on the phone.
 
ME (Reverting back to sounding lethargic): Hey.
MY SISTER Hey.
 
The rest of the conversation was spent in a friendly, but not nearly as engaged nor excited tone as my initial conversation with Chloe. Then it hit me:
 
Why do we feel justified about treating kids like they are the most amazing beings on the planet while treating adults like crap?
 
I paid close attention to my interactions with people over the next week and realized, to my chagrin, that NOBODY got as much unfiltered, unedited, all-out love as I gave to Chloe. I didn’t get excited when I saw or spoke with people. I didn’t compliment them freely. I wasn’t interested in the minute details of their lives. Half the time, I didn’t care.
 
Needless to say, this exposed an insidious level of hypocrisy in my life. While I claimed to love and appreciate and value certain people in my life, they received only a fraction of my ‘whole’ self. Consciously or unconsciously, I was choosing to “turn on” for kids and “turn off” for adults.
 
After spending some time in deep thought about this, here are a few reasons why I believe this happens:

Children return our love - I remember when my father would pick me up from kindergarten, there was a long walkway between the school’s gate and my class. As school ended, I stared out of the window for my father’s car, anxiously waiting for him to pull up. Every day, I’d time it perfectly. I would wait for him to get three steps into the gate and, backpack and all, I would run full-speed down that walkway like a 747 airplane getting ready to take off. And like an airplane, I spread my arms and jumped into his chest (sometimes a little too soon and he would have to nearly dive to save me from killing myself). To me, seeing my father was the best part of my day. It didn’t matter that he had just dropped me off eight hours earlier. In my mind, every afternoon was a fresh start. I’m sure this made him feel the same way.

 

Children are pure - People have said, if you want to see God, look into a child’s eyes. I believe it. Kids haven’t been tainted by the fears and failures that we have, thus they don’t have the self-protective walls that we do. In preschool, our assignment was to draw a picture of our families. I drew several brown stick figures for my mom, dad and siblings. Then I drew my fuzzy dog, Ginger. Finally, next to me, I drew a curly blonde boy. My teacher had no clue what I was doing. She said, “Jonathan, I thought you were drawing your family.” “I am,” I exclaimed. “This is Brandon.” Brandon was the kid who sat next to me in class. In my world, this blonde-haired boy was my real brother, he just lived in another house!

 

Children live for our affirmation - My brother Brian taught me to drive. Unfortunately, it was long before I was driving age. I was no older than five the first time I got behind a wheel. He put me in his lap and we sped down the streets of Los Angeles. This was around the time of the game Spy Hunter, so I pretended to be a secret agent escaping from the bad guys. “Faster! Faster! They’re catching up,” I yelled.  If they got too close, I would pull the lever to release the invisible shield (also known as window washing fluid). Brian egged me on the entire time. The more he told me I was a top spy, the harder I worked to save Los Angeles from terror. I now understand why Jack Canfield, co-author of Chicken Soup for the Soul, says, “Don’t talk down to your kids, talk up to your kids.”

 
When it comes down to it, these three reasons for being so open toward children are poor excuses for being so defensive with adults. It makes no sense that I smile at a child and shrug at my assistant. If I could care about purple toenails, why was I so ambivalent when someone told me their family member was ill? There were things that I often say or do to adults that I would never say or do to a child. With the exception of being untainted, my peers have the same qualities listed above as kids. And any lack of purity in our relationship may have been caused by a lack of trust I created!

 

The blatant double standard is a mechanism that is rooted in self-preservation, protecting myself from a group of people who could potentially pose harm. The way I treat people has little to do with them and everything to do with me and my own personal level of security. If it were about capacity or “this just being the way I am,” I wouldn’t have been able to shine for Chloe the way I did. This was entirely about having the wrong mindset as it pertains to my interactions with people.
 
I get disgusted when people treat their dogs better than they treat humans. But now I guess I need to look inward and ask myself why I treat little humans better than I do big humans.
 
I hope this brings you as much clarity as it has for me.
 
Test yourself for the next few days and see how many people you openly, unashamedly love on.

 

How many 747’s are taking off in your direction?